mercedezmarie:
Hi, Mommy.
I’m your baby. You don’t know me yet, I’m only a few weeks old. You’re going to find out about me soon, though, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I’ve got beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don’t have it yet, but I will when I’m born. I’m…
I’ve seen this so many times in my life, I’ve lost count. And it still makes me want to puke. Not because it’s about abortion, but because someone HONESTLY thinks this is what it’s like to be a fetus, that someone HONESTLY thinks abortions at 21 weeks are normal and every day things - that that’s when all abortions are preformed. Most ARE NOT.
You would think that anyone who paid attention during their basic biology class would have the common sense to realize “hmm, we gestate for nine months, so that means it takes nine months for a fetus to form into a baby. So during the first trimester(when almost all abortions are preformed) the fetus isn’t developed enough to have a nervous system. Therefore meaning a fetus in the first trimester(AGAIN, when almost all abortion are preformed) can’t actually ‘feel’ anything.”
This makes me sick because it tells impressionable people that a fetus being aborted cries and feels everything and that they’re murdering a child, when in actuality it can’t feel anything. And there’s a reason the words “abortion” and “murder” have different definitions in the dictionary.
Spreading this shit is nothing but harmful. I’d like to think that most people who have abortions really loved what would eventually become their child, and that they were sad to have their abortion, but it was a necessity. I know that’s not how all feel, and that’s fine, but whether it was wanted or not, abortion is a traumatic thing to go through. It’s hard. Nothing about it is easy. From paying for it, going through with the procedure, and recovering - NOTHING about it is easy. It’s a really hard thing to go through, especially emotionally. And then you have things like this piece of trash floating around and making people who have had abortions re-live something they don’t need to. Making an already hard experience even harder. I hope everyone who has ever posted this, and especially those who wrote it, feel ashamed of themselves for causing unnecessary harm to others out there.
This first time I read this after my abortion, I broke down, and fell right back down the spiraling depression I was trying to claw my way out of.
Fuck your ignorance and blatant disregard for your fellow human beings.
I just feel this is needed.
I track the tag abortion on here, of course, and going through it.. I constantly feel like I have to justify myself and my informed decision. I was in no way lied to or coerced into terminating my pregnancy.
I was in counseling before I got pregnant - my mother felt I needed someone to talk to. So when I found out I was pregnant, rather than tell my parents, I told my counselor. She never tried to make my decision for me. All she did was force me to think about the consequences of each decision, and decide for myself what to do.
I did seriously consider keeping it. My boyfriend and I spent days talking about it and how we could possibly pull it off. We even considered moving to his home country to live with some of his more well off family there! Which, let’s be honest, is a ridiculous notion at any age, never mind sixteen! But we legitimately looked at any and every available option - no matter how ridiculous it was.
We knew that neither of us would be able to live with it, with each other, if we gave our child up for adoption. I knew that if I went through with the pregnancy, I wouldn’t be able to say good-bye to my baby. He knew it, too. So it was figure out how to live and create a future with a little one, or abortion. I wasn’t ready, he wasn’t ready, and there was no possible way for us to create a decent future for our child, so I chose what I had to - abortion.
I researched. I looked into the different procedures and clinics I could go to. I asked my school nurses any questions I had. I also asked my counselor the same questions - it’s good to have more than one source and/or reference for information. I made an informed decision. I knew what I was doing and what I was getting into.
You may say I “killed my child” or that I was “ignorant of the innocent life I took”, but I did not and I was not. What I terminated was a fetus, one that was barely developed in any way. It was nothing more than a cluster of cells. I did not “end an innocent life”. It was not yet a life. It may have been, but I chose not to destroy my body, my health, or my life for a child I could not take care of. I was well aware of what my decision meant, and I don’t regret it whatsoever.
Family.
I’m not gonna lie, ever since I got pregnant, all I’ve wanted is to have a family. I want to have babies, a husband, and a cute little family. When I see adorable little children, or when I babysit my niece, all I can picture is me being a mommy one day. And I know it will happen, but I also know I’m not ready for it.
But just because I’m not ready, doesn’t mean I don’t want it. I do, and pretty badly at that. All I’ve ever wanted in my life is to have a family. But that want was intensified when I actually got pregnant. It’s a hard thing to fight. Because I know I’m not ready, I’m on birth control and I try to be careful when it comes to sex. But at the same time, I find myself each month, just before my period, praying that I’m both pregnant and not pregnant. When I get my period it’s both a relief and a disappointment. It’s a little strange, I guess.
And whenever I’m with someone, or “talking” to someone, and they’re great with children, all I can think is that maybe one day we might make it far enough to have a family. My views on marriage are rather traditional. I believe it’s sacred and when I get married, I want to stay married. When I get married I want to spend the rest of my life with that person. I would also prefer to be married before I have children. So I know I’m a good way off before I have a family, but I still desperately want it.
Its been a while since you've posted, just seeing how you're doing.
Thought of you today. I was at my first baby shower since my termination & thought of you.
Anonymous
It has been awhile and I apologize. My computer still isn’t fixed but I still check the e-mail I created for this page so I know when I get asks and etc.
I’m doing rather well. I’ve started opening up and telling more of my friends about my abortion and answering any questions they have. It’s helped a lot.
How did that go for you? Did you handle it all right? That’s quite a stepping stone in the healing process. If you’d like to send me a message just to vent out feelings and what it was like, please do so. I’m always here.
Have you told anyone close to you about it? You’d be surprised how supportive people can be and how good it really does feel to share such a life changing decision.
I hope all is well!
My computer crashed.
I probably won’t be on here much until I get my computer fixed because I don’t trust this computer. Actually, it’s more I don’t trust those I live with not to pry. I have no idea when it’ll be fixed, I’m supposed to bring it in some time this week but that might not happen. Plus, I’m going on vacation with my family next week.
I hope everything is well for you all!
Was Mother's Day hard for you?
Anonymous
The first year, absolutely. Honestly, I didn’t even think about it this year. I was surrounded by some wonderful people all weekend and I didn’t have a chance to! If I’d been alone, I definitely would’ve thought about it and spent the day wondering how different my life would be. But it’s gotten a lot easier. I don’t get sad on Mother’s Day anymore. The only times I really get sad are around my birthday(it would’ve been born around my birthday) and the “anniversary” of when I went to the clinic and took the abortion pill.
Just a little congratulations.
After my abortion I asked my ex, “I have a feeling it was a girl. Do you think that’s weird?”
And he said, “Yeah. It was probably a boy.” Which was a logical deduction because most of his family have had boys. But I just had this feeling.
He’s with someone new, now, and they’re having a baby. She’s due in about a week. They’re having a little girl. And I’m actually really happy for him. We’ve both moved on and I’m happy our experience hasn’t stopped him from having a family.
I hope to have one some day, but I know I’m still not ready. I’d rather be financially stable. But I’ll get there.
Congratulations to my ex and his girlfriend. I hope they enjoy every moment with their, no doubt beautiful, little girl.
My first "anniversary" was a few months ago. It was a day that I dreaded and a day I thought would never come. For months I felt like time wasn't moving, that I wasn't any further passed the worst day of my life. But finally, it came and my body started to remember how to breathe again. My mind remembered that time exists and every day is another day putting distance between me and that Wednesday.
According to my LMP I would have been 7 weeks the day I found out I was pregnant. We chose abortion and at the time I felt our reasons justified what we were about to do. I didn't want to go to a clinic, I wanted to take the pill. I was adamant about that, it was the only way I could go through with it. The OB/GYN I went to somehow changed my mind, stating that most women that take the pill end up going for the procedure anyway. Ironically, she was a good 7-8 months pregnant.
I was at the clinic the next morning. Police barricades outside - no one behind them yet - and you had to show ID to get in. I used to go to the two bars next to the building having no idea what was next door. This place was like an assembly line. There must have been at least 30 girls seen that day alone. I received no pre or post procedure counseling. Except for when they did the ultrasound and discovered I was only 5 weeks that day (3 weeks gestation). They had to do a transvaginal because they couldn't find the pregnancy on the regular sono. It was too early to detect a heartbeat. She asked if I wanted to see the screen, I said "no" to which she responded "It's small - like a drop of blood." I was told "it's a little early, but we can still do it. You can leave & come back after 6 weeks or we can do it now." I felt like God was telling me to leave. RUN. Go. But I didn't. I was terrified of what my boyfriend, waiting in the waiting room, would say if I left. I responded "If I leave now, I will never come back." Wouldn't that be a red flag for you? It wasn't for them.
I was put to sleep for the procedure after my legs were strapped down into stirrups. The doctor came in and he never looked at me. Not once. I asked the anesthesiologist to make sure I was asleep before anyone laid a finger on me. By the afternoon, we were in the car driving to a hotel where I slept off the rest of the sedative.
This is the one experience in my life that I have begged for the ability to be able to forget. I have had an excellent memory since I was a little kid and don't forget much. Some people have the defense mechanism to forget. I prayed for it but it never came.
For a little while after I struggled with the whole pro-choice, pro-life debate. Previously I saw myself as pro-choice, yet somehow after my abortion, I struggled with that, I can't really explain why. After a lot of reading, probably too much, and 6 months of therapy (still on going), I believe every woman on this earth should be able to decide what happens to their body. I am not saying I believe that every woman should have an abortion and that is what so many people have a hard time hearing. Pro-choice does NOT mean pro-abortion. Let them choose. Their body, their life. It is not a decision made lightly or out of selfishness. It is a parenting decision and one of the hardest any woman will ever make.
What you are doing with this blog is wonderful and I wish that I could hug you, especially today. I hope that you feel as okay as you can feel on this day and that if ever you feel alone in this, there are millions of women in this world, just like us, and you are never alone.
Anonymous
This is what I’ve been trying to get across in this blog. This right here.
I know exactly what you mean by wanting to forget. I, too, have a very good memory. I felt like that for a long time, but I don’t anymore. I don’t want to forget what I went through because it’s taught me to be careful. I’m on birth control now and I use condoms - two things that weren’t happening beforehand. I hope you’re doing well, I truly do, because I know what it’s like to be in your position. I did some counselling afterwards. I was actually already in counselling beforehand and my mother made sure I continued afterwards. I’m glad she did. My counselor was the only one who gave me the emotional support I needed.
Thank you so much for this. It’s made me very happy. Today isn’t an easy day, but it’s easier than it was the first time it came around. Just know, I’m here if you ever need anyone to chat with.
I just read through your blog posts, and the one that hit me the hardest is the fact that your boyfriend didn't help you out emotionally. I'm glad to see that you've found a support system since then. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to go through something like that basically alone.
That’s the main reason I started this blog, because I know what’s like to have to go through this alone and I never want anyone to feel that way. I want people to know there are others out there dealing with the same thing and that they aren’t alone.
